Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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