Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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