so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
