Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
