i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
