what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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