Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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