Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Come see our sink grown plant.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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