I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
