It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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