I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
