Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Randomize
