Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
