Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
