I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
