dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
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