Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
