what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Randomize
