So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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