i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
