At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
