i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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