it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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