Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
