we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
