At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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