Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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