She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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