i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
