when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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