I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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