i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
