He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
