She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
