i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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