She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
