i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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