Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Best friends brother. Beat that.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
