Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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