I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
this will be a night to untag.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
How external is "for external use only"?
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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