i just snorted my name. best moment ever
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
