Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
