omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
