also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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