dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
All the doctor said was why
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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