Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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