did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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