I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
