I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
