Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
