I need help removing her.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize