I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
