the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
