When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
