remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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