the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
