I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
