Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
