I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
where are my pants?
in the oven.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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