everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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