I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
There r osticjed everywhere
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
