When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
