the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
