She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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