That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
