I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I intend to get homeless drunk
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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