They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
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