I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
